where it's time to realize who you are, and what you are not.

There is something about me, when I start a new project I always think I will make things better. I don't know if it is faith (faith that each of us has the capacity to make a difference), pretention, or lack of sense of reality but I always do, and more often than the contrary, I end up disappointed with myself... I guess I should resolve myself to the fact that I will not change the world after all...

I just started working for an Argentinian association named Circo Social del Sur which uses circus as a medium to socially integrate youngsters of the " villas" (local favelas) of Buenos Aires, a project i truly believe in and I'm proud to be a part of. Nevertheless, Circo Social has no organisational structure and even though it is very nice to share work altogether, doing each and all a bit of everything (and at the same time!), it is extremely difficult to get things done efficiently and bring the project to the next level. What they seemed to expect from me was an opportunity to incorporate some management style and marketing orientation to their activities. What I end up doing is helping out in the current affairs, that pop up with no anticipation and without much long-term vision, in a quilombo. Have I ever told you that the Argentinians have a special word to describe mess and disorganisation?....

Because in Argentina (to pick up where we left in on the "demora" subject), for the sake of not being under pressure there are no schedules or deadlines -or if there are you certainly are not expected to meet them- and no accountability for anything. This would obviously go against human liberty and dignity! This is present in social life but is also true in the professional world and has dramatic consequences. Apart from the fact that nothing is ever ready when needed, you also will be required to do random things without further notice, your schedule will change all the time, information will be lost, people won't turn up to meetings, etc etc. Haven't yet understood how that makes me more free and flexible. Definitely doesn't make me more laidback. 

In this quilombo, I'm trying to do my best, and once again am working on my lacking patience skills. I'm trying to convince myself that we are dependent on context and people and that very little is up to us individually in the end. Fortunately it is extremely rewarding on the human level, everyone is lovely, the kids we work with are refreshing and inspiring, the circus training opportunities are great, we got to go to the Cirque du Soleil show, I can practice my spanish. I just wish we could be a little more efficient and I'm struck by the fact that I don't have what it takes to really make things better...Welcome to the real world Mathilde, say hello to the real you. 

Comments

[Louise]

J'ai rattrapé mon retard ce soir en lisant tes deux derniers posts. Je t'avoue faire une veille plus mensuelle qu'hebdomadaire.
C'est le premier commentaire que je t'écris mais j'aurais du me lancer plus tôt. Tu as un don d'écriture qui rend ton texte très intéressant et original et qui captive le lecteur.
Et non, non ! Ne lâche pas tes rêves, ni tes convictions ! L'apprentissage est long c'est une chose mais tes idées et rêves en sont une autre, et sont loin d'être irréalisables.
Profite du Pérou avec Simon et je t'attends impatiemment à Paris dès ton arrivée.
Je t'embrasse fort.